I
will kill my husband with no iota of remorse or sorrow. I'll kill him
forgetting I ever exchanged vows with him, promising to cherish him for the
rest of our lives.
The
children? Yes, they will always remind me of him. They belong to both of us. We
had them with the promise of nurturing them till they become adults.
I'm
not a bad person, neither am I a murderer. They say we have the good and bad in
us. The bad trait appears at certain circumstance and it's our duty to fight
the urge. I doubt if I can fight this.
Yesterday,
on my way to my stall, I passed by him drinking to stupor and laughing with his
friends. He didn't even notice as I walked past them. Daniel had been a good
husband during our early of marriage. Now, I work hard to feed our children
while he comes back late at night, dirty and drunk.
I
watch my children eat the watery beans prepared before sleep. It was the common
meal we had due to the meagre money I earn. I remember what the medicine man said
about the poison. I have to sprinkle some if it in his food and in his sleep,
he'll be gone.
I
think of tomorrow and imagine how free I'll be. I will kill my husband and be
free from the shackles of suffering and despair. I wouldn't have to wait at
night, watching him stagger inside with a bottle of liquor and barf on our
little bed.
Daniel
enters in his usual state and throws his bottle of liquor to the floor, pulling
my blouse and demanding for his dinner. I urge him to sit while I serve his
meal. He sits on the bed, making grumpy sounds.
"No,
I can't do this". I mutter, dropping the powder and serving his meal.
Daniel
falls asleep few minutes later and I watch with him with soaked face. I
remember when we first met. It was at the village feast. He wrestled and won
without much struggle. I stared at him and couldn't keep my eyes off. I
participated in the maiden dance and he kept his fixed gaze on me.
I
remember the vows we exchanged and weep. We promise to be with each other in
times of trouble, in sickness in health and for rich and poor. I watch him
sleep soundly and thought of the love we have for each other. I wanted to kill
my husband but I won't. I will wait for him to change, to realize how much he
loves his family and how willing he'd be
to take care of us.
No.
I will not kill my husband.
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